Ok, so I've really enjoyed the recent blogs of my siblings about dad on his 60th and about mom on the 20th anniversary of her death. I love to hear your memories; it makes me feel closer to you all and strangely supported to hear you in your continued attempts to deal with the event that has so largely defined us all.
Tiffany is the liveliest, spunkiest woman I know, and she has a strength that has supported me more times than I care to mention. She's encouraged me through lost boyfriends, hard classes, the terror of my first real job, marriage and babies. She did (and still does) everything first, and she doesn't back down from a challenge. That backbone and strength carries the same feeling for me that I had around mom. It's safety. She's not just like a mom to me--she's like my mom to me.
Aryn has mom's charm--from all accounts, there wasn't a soul who met mom who didn't love her, and I might put that down to the tendency to glorify those who aren't there to expose their flaws, but I have spent a lot of years watching Aryn in action. Her army of friends convinces me that mom may have actually been as irresistible as they say. Aryn draws people to her with her wit and intelligence, and they remain loyal. Aryn has always led a crew, and maintains her friendships with diligence. She's got mom's charisma, no question. 
It's hard to say what's funny when you're a kid, but I'd have to say that mom sometimes had a twisted sense of humor, and I think of it sometimes when Autumn gets cracking. I think Autumn shares mom's humor and even the delivery strikes me as similar. I wonder what dad would say about that--his perspective would be more accurate. Still, I remember mom telling me the wide-mouthed frog joke while we canned pickles, and I can almost interchange the memory with the image of Autumn. Half of the time I don't get Autumn's jokes, and I have to wait for her explanation. She's so darn smart, and we all know that ain't from dad. Take it easy, dad. I'm just kidding. Sort of.
Schuyler is the luckiest. He's got every ounce of talent and personality dad has, and every drop of the same from mom. Schuyler has mom's drive to try things, to learn things, to throw himself into things. She was self-motivated and driven, and sometimes when I'm talking to Schuyler and learning about whatever he's currently immersed in learning, I think about Mom's blue Trapper Keeper, which was full of a wide range of goals alongside her lists of groceries, meals, and Christmas lists in shorthand (which she taught herself when she realized we could and would read those lists). She wasn't always practical, but she was always creative, and he is so like her. It's painful to me to know how very unaware of that he is.
But dad doesn't read blogs (apparently he's only figured out the computer insomuch as it relates to banjos), and I feel like a broken record sometimes: I almost never resist the urge to vocalize the effects of mom's dying and my feelings about it. It's therapeutic and even though it's been twenty years, I still need the therapy. I'm pretty sure I always will. For once, though, I'm going to resist giving in to that feeling of loss because I feel something more pressing.
I want to say ALL HAIL MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS! As I was reading the blog entries, I was struck by how very like our Mom you are, and in all the best ways.
Tiffany is the liveliest, spunkiest woman I know, and she has a strength that has supported me more times than I care to mention. She's encouraged me through lost boyfriends, hard classes, the terror of my first real job, marriage and babies. She did (and still does) everything first, and she doesn't back down from a challenge. That backbone and strength carries the same feeling for me that I had around mom. It's safety. She's not just like a mom to me--she's like my mom to me.
Tell me you haven't seen this expression on Tiffany's face.
Aryn has mom's charm--from all accounts, there wasn't a soul who met mom who didn't love her, and I might put that down to the tendency to glorify those who aren't there to expose their flaws, but I have spent a lot of years watching Aryn in action. Her army of friends convinces me that mom may have actually been as irresistible as they say. Aryn draws people to her with her wit and intelligence, and they remain loyal. Aryn has always led a crew, and maintains her friendships with diligence. She's got mom's charisma, no question.
Aryn generally is opposed to pictures of herself on the internet she hasn't previewed, but I don't see how anyone could object to this face.
And Brady-- gentle, understated Brady. I hear a lot that phrase, that mom knew the heart of a child, and I always think of Brady (though this could go for the rest of you, too). Brady is so forgiving and so ready to see what people intend to be rather than what they are. Brady doesn't judge, and I feel secure about being myself around him because I know he will always leave me room for error. When the rest of us are in a frenzy about anything, Brady will be the voice of reason, the voice of love. I remember mom's voice had the same deep undertone that Brady's has. Only louder. Can anyone remember Brady as a kid not smiling? Because I can't.
And Brady-- gentle, understated Brady. I hear a lot that phrase, that mom knew the heart of a child, and I always think of Brady (though this could go for the rest of you, too). Brady is so forgiving and so ready to see what people intend to be rather than what they are. Brady doesn't judge, and I feel secure about being myself around him because I know he will always leave me room for error. When the rest of us are in a frenzy about anything, Brady will be the voice of reason, the voice of love. I remember mom's voice had the same deep undertone that Brady's has. Only louder. Can anyone remember Brady as a kid not smiling? Because I can't.
It's hard to say what's funny when you're a kid, but I'd have to say that mom sometimes had a twisted sense of humor, and I think of it sometimes when Autumn gets cracking. I think Autumn shares mom's humor and even the delivery strikes me as similar. I wonder what dad would say about that--his perspective would be more accurate. Still, I remember mom telling me the wide-mouthed frog joke while we canned pickles, and I can almost interchange the memory with the image of Autumn. Half of the time I don't get Autumn's jokes, and I have to wait for her explanation. She's so darn smart, and we all know that ain't from dad. Take it easy, dad. I'm just kidding. Sort of.
Schuyler is the luckiest. He's got every ounce of talent and personality dad has, and every drop of the same from mom. Schuyler has mom's drive to try things, to learn things, to throw himself into things. She was self-motivated and driven, and sometimes when I'm talking to Schuyler and learning about whatever he's currently immersed in learning, I think about Mom's blue Trapper Keeper, which was full of a wide range of goals alongside her lists of groceries, meals, and Christmas lists in shorthand (which she taught herself when she realized we could and would read those lists). She wasn't always practical, but she was always creative, and he is so like her. It's painful to me to know how very unaware of that he is.
Nobody entertains me like Schuyler does.
I recognize that so much of this is my fiction of what Mom is. What do I know, anyway? But I believe in my idea of Mom, and I take a good deal of comfort in my siblings and the reminders they offer me. I think every one of them lights the sky and I feel so just plain awestruck when we all get together. I feel like some piece of magic has landed me there, and I'm never happier than when I can sit back and watch them all in action. My own children must think I'm a little weird to be always talking about them, but I think they like the stories--and I can't bear the thought of my precious little people being unaware of the brilliance they come from. Shine on, brothers and sisters. And thank you.
I recognize that so much of this is my fiction of what Mom is. What do I know, anyway? But I believe in my idea of Mom, and I take a good deal of comfort in my siblings and the reminders they offer me. I think every one of them lights the sky and I feel so just plain awestruck when we all get together. I feel like some piece of magic has landed me there, and I'm never happier than when I can sit back and watch them all in action. My own children must think I'm a little weird to be always talking about them, but I think they like the stories--and I can't bear the thought of my precious little people being unaware of the brilliance they come from. Shine on, brothers and sisters. And thank you.
6 comments:
This is a lovely post, Courtnick. I find it funny, though, since YOU are the most mom-esque of us all. You know this is true. Anyway, this was sweet.
Yes, a very lovely post. Though you didn't talk about yourself... the pictures have me chuckling. Brady's skin bursting at the seams, Oprah ignoring the brouhaha and begging for food... and when in the world were you and Tiffany on a helicopter together? That wasn't after Olivia was born, was it? Nice post ;).
What a great post! It's fun to see the pictures. I've often thought that my siblings are one of my greatest blessings. What would we do without sisters and brothers? This is what I tell myself as my kids are fighting over lego heads and who is sitting where...someday they will be thankful for each other! :)
I love this post Court. I really really do.
Oh yeah...and thanks for getting the word out about how smart I am. Sometimes it's hard to have a sense of humor so advanced that no one thinks I'm funny.
Oh, how I loved this post myself. I was so lucky (blessed!) to know your mom and your family -- I think of her so often. Her influence was huge. Just look at all of you -- I know her love for you is immense. (mine too!)
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